I would like to say that around four months ago, before I got sick, that I was a great person and fantastic photographer. That would not be true. I was just getting by day by day. I would put off till tomorrow things that I could of gone out right then and accomplished. In my case too often tomorrow never came. I was a sixty-six year old man with a brain of a thirty year old. I thought I could accomplish about anything, all I had to do was put my mind to it and it would make it happen. But in reality I was loosing the will to do that. I also was a jerk, egotistical and I could go on and on cutting myself down but you get the general idea.
The funny thing is most people didn’t see these negative attributes in me. But I was just getting by. With my photography I would make a dollar here and there. Just enough so I could call myself a professional. I had great ideas and would start to implement them only to grow bored and not complete them. Perfect example was not keeping this website up to date. That actually bothered me. I was too talented and too good of a person to be like that. Still I put off what I could do and for the most part lived off my wife’s success. Oddly enough she continued to believe in me. What she and others didn’t know is I had subconsciously given up on myself.
Then I got sick. First it was the just the flu. Then confusion. I would stand in the kitchen, turning in circles wondering why I was there. Then I couldn’t type. I couldn’t write my name. I couldn’t remember how to use a camera, how to play the guitar. When I tried to walk I would only take a couple of steps without falling or at least balance myself up against a wall or whatever. When I would just stand my legs would tremble and my arms and hands would shake. I started saying things wrong and forgetting simple words. Geez, I didn’t like that. Yet, I figured with having allergies I probably had a massive inner ear infection and all would be fine. I was wrong.
That was over three months. Since then I have seen numerous doctors, had many MRI’s that showed nothing. Finally a couple of doctors said Parkinson’s and mild stroke. I guess sometimes when it comes to stuff like this the only way the medical profession can diffinitively make a diagnosis for Parkinson’s is to do a autopsy. Well, hopefully that doesn’t happen soon.
I live in Fort Collins and this area of the country has been experiencing a population boom. So much that our medical profession has not been able to keep up. They have been rather overwhelmed. My appointments for medical test were stretched out into months. So I did what anyone from my generation would do, I studied the internet. I did not like what I was reading but one thing that seems with my symptoms that I read over and over again to help was exercise.
So while I was being passed around from doctor to doctor with no end in sight I started exercising. Well, at first I started moving my body. Soon when no one was around I crawled, figuring it would start to rebuild all my leg muscles. I insisted on no help while I walked. I did stretches on the physical side and on the mental side I did stuff like dot to dot books and coloring books. At first I could not draw a straight line or when coloring my hand would go everywhere except where I thought I was putting it. I then started walking. I couldn’t drive so walking or relying on others was the only way I could get out.
You know what? I started to improve. Today, while it is difficult, I can walk over five miles a day. I have all sorts of stuff I am trying to conquer but it’s a start. I won’t lie to you, there were times and days that I felt like giving up. I would have big time mood swings that worried the hell out of my dear wife. Yet, for most of the time I stuck with it and it has paid dividends.
Now I am trying to relearn photography and that is what this blog is about. I am going to document my progress at relearning photography. I am basically starting from scratch. I am doing this documenting as an encouragement to myself to keep pushing myself. Also I hope if ever someone who is ill comes across this, my words and actions will help them.
A few weeks ago I started again the art of photography. I want to come back. I would look at the cameras and I was confused. I couldn’t remember how to take a good picture. But I studied the manuals and watched over and over examples of photography on the internet. Then one day I went into the backyard with a Fujifilm X-T1 camera and tried to shoot snapshots of flowers. New information seem to come in my head. I was beginning to remember the very beginning of photography. Here are a few pics.
Because of my legs shaking and hands shaking about one out of every ten where sharp. Hey it is a start. Occasionally one of the blurry pics were interesting. See Below:
Hey, I am again understanding the effects of light on photography. Two steps forward, one step back. Thank you, Craig L. Getchius
PS. I am doing this blog on my own and still relearning so I imagine there will be mistakes that I can’t see that I write. Sorry about that it will get better.